About Me 0116: Making Money

A report to be released from Goldman Sachs today will not only disclose some details about how the secretive firm operates and plans to change their operations in the future — as required by the Business Standards Committee established by CEO Lloyd Blankfein in response to the SEC lawsuit against the them — it "will disclose more about how it makes money," according to Bloomberg News. Of course, it will likely contain only a little bit of information to this effect, seeing as it is only 63 pages, most of which will likely be self-justifying defenses of their existing business model, and because Goldman doesn't give anything away that easily, especially not to "mollify their critics," per the Journal. If you really want to find out how Goldman makes money, you're going to have to look closely.

First, you're going to have to identify and decipher the secret code hidden within the paper, which will lead you to a map located underneath the floorboards of an out-of-the-way cabin, which will lead you to a musty castle in the basement of which sits a nervous owl with a capsule on its foot. The capsule, if you are lucky enough to soothe the owl long enough to remove it, will contain a password to a trap door, which, will lead you to an old but powerful woman who will ask you a series of questions, such as: "If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?" After that, you must pass through an area of extreme heat, an area of extreme cold, and swim 40 lengths through a pool full of Mischievously Tickling Goldfish. Only then you will find the secret, which will be some variation of the fact that the company buys stuff cheap and sells it for more money.

Michael Buckner/Getty Images

Khloe Kardashian: Is She Making A Play As the No. 1 Kardashian?

As Lamar Odom and his wife, Khloe Kardashian, get set to begin filming their reality show, Khloe & Lamar, one cannot help but realize how much screen time Khloe has.

With her third E! show on tap, and a publicized marriage with a World Champion basketball star in Lamar, is Khloe becoming the No.1 Kardashian the right way?

Whether you know her or not, you have all heard of sister Kim, for one reason or another, but sister Khloe seems to be giving her a run for her money nowadays.

Kim was romantically linked to Saints Super Bowl Champion Reggie Bush, but unfortunately, things did not work out.

While Kim is now reportedly linked to Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets, he holds nothing on Lamar.

The Kardashians continue to creep onto your television screen and it seems it will not stop.

With Khloe & Lamar due out around the NBA Playoffs, Khloe may take the reins as the top Kardashian with the help of the Lakers' forward.

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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Making Money

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